Terrible HP Fanfiction (Wordbound, Week #5)

February 18, 2017 ♥ Posted in: Wordbound, Writing by Kristina Horner

Okay – as the creator of this concept, it was my goal to not fall behind in #wordbound, but it’s only February and here we are. In Week #5, I just had a surprisingly crazy week and was feeling more emotionally affected than usual by current events, so I missed it entirely – and then in Week #6 I came down with a cold that basically rendered me useless for like six days. Now it’s Week #7 and I’m a little overwhelmed, but I can totally do this.

But one of the surprising and wonderful things I’ve seen already in this little community is that people are really big on catching up with week’s they’ve missed, so I’m going to go ahead and say that is a TOTALLY acceptable approach. The weeks and deadlines are just guidelines – the real feat is just making sure you complete them all eventually!

So… now that I am feeling better, I am going to try to power through these puppies. Expect to see more blog posts from me this week.

WEEK #5: Blogging Prompt: What is something you’re embarrassed to admit you’ve written?

So I went back and forth on this quite a bit… was it better to show you actual writing I still have lying around from something terrible and embarrassing, or tell you about something even worse that’s long been lost to the depths of digital time and space? I couldn’t decide, so I’m going to do both.

First things first: I once wrote a fanfic that could only be described as quintessentially Mary Sue-esque that took place at an American Wizarding School that I named Halfmoon Academy. You might think this is possibly somewhat clever – and I still think the name of the school was perhaps a better choice than “Ilvermorny”, but the crucial point here is that this entire wizarding school only existed as a vessel for myself, my middle school best friend, and the two boys we had crushes on to be wizarding students and inevitably fall in wizarding love. This is the only Harry Potter fanfic I ever wrote that didn’t end up on fanfiction.net, because I didn’t even bother changing the names. I just put my best friend and I in all sorts of wacky scenarios in which we would end up spending magical pre-pubescent time with the boys we had crushes on, and we were all excellent at magic, and it was terrible.

The second thing I want to share with you is another suspension of disbelief piece – I once wrote a fanfic about how they installed an elevator at Hogwarts, for no apparent reason, for the sole external purpose of it breaking down and causing Harry and Ginny to get trapped inside. You know, so they inevitably would confess their love for each other and make out. The funny thing is, this has to have been the very first fanfic I ever wrote, because I actually really don’t like Harry/Ginny as a couple and didn’t even remember a time when I would write them together, so reading this now just adds even more insult to injury. It is also eleven chapters of cringey-goodness.

Here is a choice excerpt from the piece:

Harry put his ear up to the wall and shouted, “We’re stuck up here! Get us out!”
McGonagall shouted back, “Harry? Who else is up there?”
McGonagall sighed. “Well, we would be able to get you down, but Professor Dumbledore put a spell on the elevator so that students wouldn’t be able to tamper with it with magic. Well, coincidentally, the spell was too strong and not even the teachers can fix it.”
Ginny rolled her eyes. “So just send Dumbledore out to fix it! I don’t want to be late for my first class!” she shouted.
“He’s away at a council meeting with the Ministry of Magic at the moment. He won’t be back for a little while. Don’t worry you two, we’ll get you out. It just may… take awhile.” McGongall finished before closing the shaft door.
Ginny’s heart fluttered. Alone in an elevator? With Harry? “How long do you think we’ll be up here?” she asked him.
“A few hours at least…” Harry muttered, sinking to the ground.
Ginny followed, so that she was sitting across from him.
“Hey, it could be worse,” he joked. “You could be stuck up here with Malfoy!”

Ironically, every fanfiction I ever wrote after this piece was Ginny/Draco.

For your convenience, I skipped a lot of boring will-they-won’t-they and fast forwarded to the good stuff. Here’s more:

Ron sat in the Great Hall, stewing over the fact that Ginny and Harry were alone together in the new elevator. He’d warned her – she had better not do anything.
He felt his anger getting the best of him. He didn’t know why it bothered him so much, but it did.
He ran out to the elevator and kicked the door with his foot. “Ginny!” he yelled.
When he heard no response, he pulled his wand out of his pocket and muttered a few words.

Ginny heard the thud, and then heard her name being called. Knowing it was Ron, she just ignored it.
“Harry?” she asked.
Then the small elevator started shaking.
“What the-?” Ginny shrieked.
“Hold on!” Harry called to her, grabbing her hand with his own.
It kept on shaking violently, jolting them around like popcorn.

Outside the elevator, Ron was shaking as well. His eyes had an evil gleam to them, and he could hear the elevator shaking inside the shaft. He felt another wave of anger wash over him.
Was he doing this? What was going on?

Ginny screamed as the bewitched elevator continued to shake. She felt sick. Harry managed to wrap his arms around her, and they held each other close as they got tossed around.
“What’s going on!?” Ginny cried.
Harry was about to say “I don’t know” when a blinding pain struck his forehead. He cried out in pain and his scar felt like it was going to split his face in two.
“HARRY!” Ginny screamed.
Then the elevator dropped. It kept falling and falling.
“We’re going to crash!” Ginny cried, as they plummeted downward.
Then everything went black.

Later when Ron wakes up in the hospital wing, he and Hermione have a very dramatic exchange of dialogue:

“Have they… figured it out yet?” Ron asked, groggily.
“Figured what out?” Hermione asked him.
“Who broke the elevator?”
“They don’t think it was a ‘who’, Ron. They think it was just technical difficulties.”
“It wasn’t technical difficulties, Hermione.”
“Come again?” she asked him, confused.
“I broke the elevator,” Ron said.

I literally couldn’t bear to the rest of the fanfic, but I assume that Harry and Ginny ended up together, Ron was possessed by Voldemort for whatever reason, and in the end they probably decided to remove the elevator from Hogwarts because it was too dangerous and a terrible idea in the first place? I don’t remember. I wrote this thing fifteen years ago.

I’ll leave you with this:

“What happened?” the nurse cried when she saw the unconscious students.
McGonagall shook her head. “We’re not quite sure. It was an elevator accident.”
Madame Pomfrey’s eyes widened. “Oh dear.”

Thank you for joining me in this trip down memory lane, and please leave a comment letting me know if you ever put your characters in similarly ridiculous situations in your own fanfictions.

See you soon for the Week #6 prompt.

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